Dear Ms. Stroh:

. I apologize for my delayed response.

. In my correspondence with you with reference to other articles (considering how large your audience is, I would hardly expect you to remember), I have pointed out that one critical belief in every relationship is that your partner is the primary focus of your emotional world. I know you are polyamorous. I am, to say the least, skeptical about polyamory as a concept. I would suggest that, especially in a polyamorous relationship, the centrality of the primary relationship is critical. His hanging that picture would have been a constant reminder that he had had an intense relationship with another person before you. Implicit in that fact is that you might well be succeeded by someone else as a primary partner. I well understand the endorphin high of a new love. You and he believe you can engage those feelings with other people yet still remain committed to your primary relationship. My concern for the both of you is that one of those new beginnings might overwhelm one or both of you and cause the sundering of that primary bond. It is clear from those writing about polyamory that all participants are, if not young, then not elderly. You all seem to be attractive enough to acquire new lovers from time to time. What happens when people age? What happens when that hottie you can’t keep your hands off of gets cancer? Will someone other than the primary partner (what old-fashioned people call spouses) be there through chemotherapy? Through colostomy bags? Through a descent into dementia? Who among your other lovers will step up to the plate? Why should they? You’re a part-time lover, to use the name of that old song. What commitment do they have to you? Or you to them? Writing this piece makes me think that couples who swing actually are more stable and more respectful of the marital relationship than those engaging in polyamory. The same dangers of new relationships breaking up existing relationships is present in both cases, which is why I don’t advocate either. But, unless that happens, the swinging marriage stays intact. People live longer now than ever. Maintaining a marriage is a challenge. Is monogamy the only way? Let’s see if the alternatives stand the test of time.