What an amazing post! You survived a brutal and unprovoked assault. I cannot imagine what you had to go through in order to go as far in the healing process as you did. Dealing with this pattern of thought and behavior must be societal. Parents must be aware that what they say and how they act is minutely observed by their sons and daughters. Schools-especially teachers and coaches (because it would appear that athletes make up a disproportionate share of offenders)-must reinforce the teaching of respect for all.

Your piece was enhanced by the comments. Charlotte Franklin, including the piece she wrote and referenced in her reply, gave from what I can tell a great description of the development of the mindset of young men who feel they have the right to sexual gratification no matter the level of consent of the other person involved. Nicole Chardonette stated-I believe correctly-that women must play a greater role in the setting of society’s limits. They have to speak up not only when they are victims, but also when they are around men whose language and behavior start to get out of line.

I respectfully suggest that there is an additional issue that I hope some male authors on Medium might address. You and the above-mentioned authors have to understand the difficulty of what they ask of men. If you are an 18-year-old boy who is a freshman and is pledging a fraternity, you have found a group of people you like and want to spend four years with. You may have to go through some embarrassing rituals while pledging. You have bonded with the pledge class. When you are allowed to join, you have bonded with the group. Often, you have been socialized to think that dominant men deserve their perks. Then you are at a party. The alcohol flows. Some guys start to flatter and flirt with a young and inexperienced girl, whose drink glass they keep filled. They start to lead her upstairs-many boys and one girl. What will happen is obvious. What do you do? Yeh, what the boys are doing is out of line-but it’s none of my business, right? I mean, I’m not raping her. Right? Do I act-yell at them to let her alone? Grab her and carry her out and drive. her home? Call 911? Do I do any of those things, knowing that I will be shunned by the member of the fraternity, and more likely than not be seen by most people as having ratted out his friends? Do I act knowing that the dominant girls on campus are symbiotically linked to fraternities and I won’t be getting respect from them or from those they influence? Please understand that men who take on the responsibility of doing the morally correct and totally justified thing will be seen as betraying their friends. The dominant females are often symbiotically linked to the fraternity power structure, and often support the male and kneecap the female. In short, until enough young men get the courage to act, men who do the right thing will pay a heavy price-unless others stand up to visibly and vocally support them.